Feeding Lydia: Katie's Experience

Hi everyone!  This is Katie posting for the first time.

While it seems like I should be taking the opportunity to gush about my sweet little girl, I really want to take the time to talk in detail about my experience with the past week or so breastfeeding.  I'm going to go into very frank detail, so this may be a "girls only" read.  I'm sorry if I offend anyone with my sharing; please just skip over this if that's the case!  There are some things people don't talk about because they're "private", but then the closed-mouth attitude about the topic just means fewer people get help or even know that solutions exist when there's a problem.  I'd really like for that not to be the case with breastfeeding struggles.

Everyone told me breastfeeding hurts a lot the first week or two, and then your body adjusts and it's fine.  So as Josh mentioned in his post, I put up with a bad latch at first and got into bad habits.  I just didn't know any better.  It wasn't until a few days of a lot of pain that Josh finally sort of put his foot down.  He headed over to YouTube at 4 AM, determined that this awful pain would not be my fate for the next week or more.  He was right to do so.  We finally saw what a good latch looks like and were able to do a lot to correct Lydia's.  We thought it was going to be smooth sailing.  At this point though, I was already bleeding and scabbed on both sides, one fairly severely.  In retrospect, I should have realized things still weren't right, but I was so far gone with lack of sleep and so focused on coping with the pain that I didn't see the situation clearly.

And then the pain got even worse until Thursday night when I just couldn't cope anymore.  Thankfully, Lydia was sleeping a lot in those couple days and so feeding less.  But I lived in frank terror of her waking up.  Almost every time she stirred, I would break into near-hysterical sobs.  Completely at the end of my rope, that night I received a priesthood blessing from my dad.  In it, Heavenly Father promised that I could take the steps needed to be able to nurse my baby.  Despite having no idea how that path would play out, I knew that I could trust my instincts and proceed a step at a time into the dark, and that Heavenly Father would back me up.  So my mom and Josh followed me back to the bedroom to give me some comfort while I tried pumping.  I was in so much pain I was afraid even to do that.

Surprise surprise, it it caused very little hurt!  The pump was very gentle and I was able to get enough out to feed my sweet baby.  Mourning the loss of the bonding of skin contact, I shed some tears every time I fed Lydia from a bottle instead of on my skin. But I was so glad and relieved that I could feed my baby yummy breastmilk without torture for me. Those tears were gentle and mixed with deep, deep gratitude at this answer.

Next day, though, I woke up and noticed redness on my breasts that I knew was indicative of infection.  I called the OB's office and explained my symptoms.  They told me to come right in.  Only Dr.Allphin was in, which was hard for me because male OBGYNs freak me out.  However, Dr.Allphin rocks.  I've never had a doctor express so much genuine sympathy for my pain.  It was quite a comfort to my heart.  He got me antibiotics and an ointment custom mixed by Mike's Pharmacy.  By that evening, after loading up on both, I was feeling loads better.  I couldn't believe I hadn't realized that something was going on besides just the outside damage!

Friday and Saturday, pumping continued as my answer for feeding Lydia.  Pumping is kind of crazy.  It's a lot of work, and I'm really impressed by the moms who exclusively pump!  The pressure to provide enough for sweet baby was fairly intense, and I was always paranoid we'd need to supplement with formula.  But we managed to keep up with her needs.

Inside and out, I'm doing much better.  The ointment is miraculous and the antibiotics are definitely doing the job.  I feel like Wolverine with how rapidly I've been healing!  Also, I received so much wonderful advice in response to Josh's call for help.  Specifically, a couple friends recommended trying a nipple shield.  I put it on my shopping list but didn't take it too seriously.  Then Josh's mom, true to her "good fairy" nature, snagged one for me from the store.  By that night I had the guts to try it on my left, less-damaged side.  The weird little thing works very well.  It's a little inconvenient, but worth it for the opportunity it's given me to heal.  Sometimes they get a bad rap.  There's a really good article here with the basics on nipple shields.  I recommend looking into them if you're having persistent latch or damage issues.

Actually, if possible, talk to a lactation consultant at the first sign of trouble.  In a perfect world, there would be a lactation consultant in the room right after every delivery, so mom and baby could get off on the right foot from that first precious feed.  But short of that, make sure you talk to one literally as soon as possible if something with breastfeeding doesn't seem right to you.  Trust your gut.  If you think something is wrong, it probably is!

Feeding still has some drama, as I'm still recovering from both the damage and the infection (okay, and from the shell shock from how crazy things have been).  I'm coming to realize and trying to accept that the difficulty in feeding Lydia is more like a saga than a single bump in the road.  I'll have moments where I think I'm home free and then have my bubble burst by a setback.  Breastfeeding is a journey I need to be in on for the long haul.  It's difficult facing that, but I'm getting there.

Wish me luck.  Contact me if you need support, though I'm obviously no pro.  Commiseration can be a welcome gift on its own, if nothing else.  I've also figured out some latch tricks the I'd love to share with friends in need.  Feed your babies.  Breast is best.  But also keep in mind some wonderful words of wisdom given by Josh's aunt Tonya: "sometimes it just doesn't work for mom or baby or both and women need to feel okay with that. Sometimes there is such a strong push for the nursing that we make moms feel overwhelmed and like failures when it just doesn't happen. ... Do what you can and whatever it happens to be, it's okay." And when you get discouraged, smell your baby's hair.  You'll feel better.




She really fights to wake up when all she wants to do is look around at the world!